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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26465959">I love you, Alex Danvers</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Whimsical_spirit/pseuds/Whimsical_spirit'>Whimsical_spirit</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Whimsical spirit vs. Gays [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Supergirl (TV 2015)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>A little bit late though, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst and Tragedy, Broken Everybody, Broken Kara Danvers, Everyone loves Alex Danvers, F/F, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Love Confessions, Monological dialogs, Yes I killed my favourite character</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 08:27:45</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>13,506</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26465959</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Whimsical_spirit/pseuds/Whimsical_spirit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>They keep coming one after another just to tell her how much they loved her. Still love her. Forever.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Alex Danvers &amp; Kara Danvers, Alex Danvers/Kelly Olsen, Alex Danvers/Lena Luthor, Alex Danvers/Maggie Sawyer, Alex Danvers/Sara Lance, Astra/Alex Danvers, Samantha "Sam" Arias/Alex Danvers</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Whimsical spirit vs. Gays [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2177535</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>44</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>81</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. She left. Just like that</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hey, pals)</p><p>Welcome to my first attempt into writing fic in English. Also my first in this fandom. I am a huge sucker for Alex Danvers and survived watching this show just for her for 98 episodes. "Supergirl" gets more and more ridiculous, I am not at all satisfied with that writers create for Alex's journey, so all I have now is fanfiction to plunge into.<br/>You may ask, why I killed Alex if I'm so into her. The answer is I had an idea of everyone confessing their love to Alex (cause how can one not love her?), and the only situation it won't blow Alex's life up is if she's dead. And let's be honest, due to some smart writers, we aren't getting any of those in the show. Well, Maggie left, and what is going on between Dansen - I don't believe it. So killing Alex and having everyone coming to her grave was a logical thing for me to do.</p><p>Anyways, I hope you'll enjoy the introduction. I intend to post chapters once a 3-4 days, so you won't have to wait long for everything to wrap up.<br/>Every mistake is mine. English is not my native tongue, so... If anyone wishes to help me with beta-ing or edit my text so it won't be so primitive, reach out in comments section.</p>
    </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I forgot to tell you when in the timeline all this happens. It's 3 months after 5x19. Alex and Kelly broke up a month after said events of the show.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Since Alex had left the DEO everyone thought she would stop risking her life to protect others. She didn’t have this huge organization with its advanced medicine and technology at her back to take her back from death’s grip every time she took a bullet, knife or grenade for someone else. They just supposed that not being an agent or a director anymore would make her stop sacrificing, stop putting herself in danger. They should have known better. She got herself a fucking vigilante suit for God’s sake. </p><p>Maybe they knew, though. Maybe they saw Alex was not changing her ways because of some stupid DEO issues. They just silently accepted it as they were well-acquainted with her stubbornness. Noone could reason her to stand back, even Kara. </p><p>Poor sweet Kara. She was so used to having Alex by her side, protecting her Kryptonian as a precious thing. She was used to Alex being in danger and not letting Kara put her up front of her priorities, saving the world always came first. She was used to Alex being a badass, indestructible. </p><p>What she was also used to is watching Alex getting heartbroken and all that usually followed: alcohol abuse, burying herself in work and risking her life even more. So, when Kelly broke up with Alex because she couldn’t watch her girlfriend put her life in danger any more (too traumatizing as her ex-fiancée died in service), Kara wasn’t surprised to find her sister in a bar next night. It also didn’t knock her socks off when older Danvers left patrolling the city every night after spending days doing private-detective work in the Tower. </p><p>Kara was too used to such things. She should have adapted for the new reality. She should have listened to Alex’s heartbeat those nights. She should have solved the alien attack faster that night, fast enough to save her sister. That’s what she keeps telling herself every day now. </p><p>But she didn’t. She let Alex go patrolling, get stabbed and die before she could reach her. Now younger Danvers, the only Danvers sister remaining, was burying the one person who had made her feel at home on Earth. Kara was “hosting” the memorial of the person she loved and cherished the most. All that was left of her sister hurt Kara immensely, most of all a white gravestone with name <em>Alex Danvers</em> on it. </p><p>The other thing that Kara clearly miscalculated was the number of people who would come to Alex’s burial. All the current DEO agents, retired ones, families of her equally dead comrades, aliens she had saved, humans she had saved, NCPD detectives she had befriended while being with Maggie, CatCo and Obsidian North employees whom she had got donuts and coffee from time to time, some neighbors and even a couple of college pals. But mostly Kara was awed by the presence of all the people Danvers sisters had missed so badly for not seeing them for ages. Arrow and Flash teams came, Legends travelled forward in time (or past, who knows), Lucy abandoned the desert base for this specifically, J’ohn returned from Mars, Legion arrived led by a devastated Winn, Sam and Ruby flew from Metropolis and even managed to pull Lena out of self-deprecating isolation, Maggie and Kelly came from their respective residences. All these people were united by grief and wish to pay Alex their last respects. </p><p>Which they had. The ceremony was everything Alex deserved: big, loud, <strike>gayest</strike>, tearful and surrounded by the aura of love and longing. She was buried not next to her father, but at the military cemetery near those who left their lives protecting this country just as her. Although she hadn’t been a part of DEO anymore, and even if she had DEO had never existed on paper, the president ordered to give director Danvers all the accolades and honors as she had served this country with honor and dedication. </p><p>So here Kara was, at the cemetery near her sister’s grave every Sunday because Sunday was Alex’s favourite day. And also Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays, every other day she had free time. To say that she missed her sister would be the biggest understatement of human and alien history. She talked to Alex, listened as if her sister was responding. Just as she listened to people who too came there to talk to Alex’s bones.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I hope you you aren't mad at me for killing Alex. Write comments if you liked the idea or not - all are welcome while reasonable. Write your guesses at what every character may say to Alex, maybe I'll use your suggestions. Write your thoughts, anything - I would very much like to interract with fandom.<br/>Otherwise, have a nice day/night there)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. I predicted this!</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>KD: You really loved her.<br/>KO: Is it a question?<br/>KD: Sometimes I saw you two just, you know, like long-time buddies who didn't know each other that well. Sorry.<br/>KO: Don't be. And I really did.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>You may have noticed I have a strange order of ships in the cap of the fic. Yes, it's the order of appearance, not the significance. So Kelly goes first.<br/>Again, all mistakes are mine. If you'd like to beta this, reach out in the comments.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“It’s my fault, you know-” </p>
<p>“No, Kelly. It’s mine. And hers. You can’t take all her decisions on you” Kara assured Kelly, although just a couple of days ago she would tear older Olsen apart. Now, courtesy of Eliza, she revised her view and even agreed to visit Alex’s grave with Kelly. Why not? She goes there anyway. Kelly needed a shoulder to lean on, and Kara provided it as always. </p>
<p>“Yeah, she never listened” Kelly broke into tears and Kara semi-hugged her. </p>
<p>They walked into cemetery past the graves of brave soldiers to their own beloved one. When they reached a familiar gravestone Kelly left a bouquet of burgundy roses.  </p>
<p>“I know it’s <strong>my</strong> favourite color, not yours, but it looked so well on you” commented Kelly. “Hey, sweetie”. </p>
<p>“Hi, sis” added Kara through the flow of tears. </p>
<p>Both women stood in silence for several long minutes. Strong presence of one another kept them whole pieces, but no one had the courage to break the meaningful quietude. </p>
<p>“You should know it still hurts” Olsen started. “I- I didn’t complete even 1% my “disattachment” task. I had left you so you won’t leave me, but it happened so soon... There is no difference, Alex, as if I am still your Kelly, allergic to blueberries, everyone’s therapist, Obsidian’s finest-” she brushed away her tears. </p>
<p>“Kelly-” </p>
<p>“No, it’s fine Kara. I’m fine” Kelly protested and turned back to the grave. “Although, honey, it’s not <strong>that</strong> fine. I predicted this, I asked you, I begged you... Why didn’t you listen?” </p>
<p>Silence enthralled the deserted cemetery. </p>
<p>“What I didn’t predict though, was that I’d be the trigger. I had been so afraid of you risking your life every day, that I left and pushed you into risking even more. I should have known better. I’m a damn therapist, a shrink. I know how to read people and I know you” a pause. “Well, now I need a therapist of my own. Death issues. Abandonment issues. For starters”. </p>
<p>Olsen hunkered down at Alex’s grave, put her hand on the ground and continued. </p>
<p>“You were a wonderful woman, love. Passionate, dedicated, protective, loving, warm, so much warm. You put everyone else first, and people are so grateful to you” she sniffed and laughed. “Have you seen how many people came to your burial? You saved everyone but yourself”. </p>
<p>“Kelly, please, stop. Please. I can’t-” the last spirit Kara had left her, and she fell on her knees. </p>
<p>“No, Kara, I need to tell her this before I leave this city for good”. </p>
<p>“Okay, just- Just give me a minute” the remaining Danvers agreed, taking deep breaths and calming down slowly. </p>
<p>“I’m sorry, Alex. I didn’t mean it to happen this way. I love you. I wanted not to so badly last couple of weeks, but I do. I love you, honey. Can’t you just come back to us and stop being a fucking hero?” </p>
<p>With these words Kelly stood up and extended her hand to Kara. Supergirl hesitated for a moment but took a hand. </p>
<p>“Sorry for not talking to you now, sis. But you know I’ll come back here soon. Love you”. </p>
<p>And they went going. When they neared Kelly’s car, Olsen asked. </p>
<p>“I suppose I should take you home”. </p>
<p>“Yes, please. I don’t feel like flying yet” she sighed. “You really loved her”. </p>
<p>“Is it a question?” </p>
<p>“Ehm... Sometimes I saw you two just, you know, as long-time buddies who didn't know each other that well” she shrugged feeling washed out. “Sorry”. </p>
<p>“Don’t be. And I really did. And I do. I love her”. </p>
<p>Kara’s heart ached. The engine started. Alex was loved. Alex has left.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I don't know if you waited for bigger updates, but they'll remain &lt;1000 words, I suppose. I don't like scrapping the barrel. <br/>Tell me if I got Kelly's character right. Truth be told, I don't feel her at all. So let me know whether I did a good job or a crappy one.<br/>See you soon. Take care of yourselves.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. See you around, Danvers</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>MS: I decided to stay here for a month or so to work on your case. I swear, Danvers, I'll find this total piece of shit. And if Kara doesn't kill him, I will. You were a badass, Alex. I can't believe you fell from the hands of some huge asshole bastard.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I didn't see myself posting an update so soon. Did you? Anyways, enjoy it. That's the high time for Maggie to visit her ex-fiancee. What is she going to say?<br/>And, yes, all mistakes are still mine. Pray tell me if my writing is okay or terrible, or in the middle.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Kara was still not up to flying. National City could make it without her for a while. As soon as Nia and Brainy had broken up, Dreamer became a fierce power in fighting whatever threat may have come to their city. And she was doing well. Nonetheless, Supergirl still patrolled the streets just in case Nia was too busy elsewhere.  </p><p>That’s the reason why Kara took jogging. Speed-jogging. Speed-jogging, the root of which passed through the cemetery Alex had laid her rest in several times. Not only that. Younger Danvers remembered that running helped her sister think and sort things out. That’s right what she needed.  </p><p>Supergirl never allowed herself get distracted from her misery and grief those times. But one peaceful sunny morning a familiar voice interrupted her trail of thoughts just as she passed the cemetery. </p><p>“Ride or die, Danvers, huh? I didn’t think you would choose the latter”. </p><p>Kara immediately stopped on her tracks. “Maggie? What the hell?” She was desperate to know what the salty cottage cheese brunette was doing there, but decided not to intervene. It didn’t mean she wouldn’t listen from her spot: far enough not to be seen, close enough to hear everything clearly. </p><p>“I would very much prefer you to ride, babe. Of course, I wouldn’t get to see you doing just that. But, you know, I’d better know you are all right in the other city, with the other person? She shivered and paused for a while”. </p><p>“I decided to stay here for a month or so to work on your case. I swear, Danvers, I'll find this total piece of shit. And if Kara doesn't kill him, I will. You were a badass, Alex. I can't believe you fell from the hands of some huge asshole”. </p><p>Kara stood and sobbed. She knew she was ready to kill this bastard... whoever they were. She would revenge her big sister. That’s what family does. </p><p>While Kara was collecting her rage, Sawyer rested her hands on her knees and shot a piercing look to the gravestone with neatly written <em>Alex Danvers</em> on it. </p><p>“You were supposed to become a great mother, Danvers. I told you you would be one. If not for this, we would still be together. I would have protected you. I wouldn’t have let you there alone. What about all this bright future you had seen for yourself? Why did you have to throw it all away? Me in the first place!” Here, like that, Alex made Maggie cry. She didn’t cry. Like ever. All the tears she let slide her cheeks were due to certain Danvers who had taken her heart and never gave it back. </p><p>“I want you, Alex. You deserved an amazing romance and a full and bright future. You shouldn’t have given up on this, on us. It hurts not to have you. It hurts to regret that I had let you walk away. I am devastated, fucking devastated just as literally everyone. Have you seen Kara? You should feel bad for this, for making her feel this way, for breaking her to the tiniest pieces. Because we love you, you goddamn idiot! I- I love you!” </p><p>Maggie stood up and closed her eyes to dry the newborn tears. </p><p>“I still love you, Alex. After all these years I still feel it for you. I remember your stupid orange T-shirts, cozy pajamas, the best whipped eggs with bacon in the whole universe. I remember your loving eyes, cute smile, warm embrace and assuring presence. I want it all again and again” she paused. “We’ve never had a closure, and this is it now. Because loving you hurts, I need to let you go for good”. </p><p>Kara stood and listened. A pleasing realization dawned on her: there had been no way to date Alex Danvers and not become completely smitten by her to the dawn of time. Her heart warmed at the fact that all the love her sister projected into the world was mirrored by at least 3 major people in her life. <em>‘See you around, Danvers’</em> was the last thing she heard, and soon Supergirl, no, it was Kara at that point, went on with her jogging. She’d come to talk to her soulmate on the way back.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I can see Maggie accusing Alex of her own death and their break-up. Have you seen how totally heartbroken Sawyer was when she was leaving Alex's? I don't think it's a matter of time to forget this betrayal. She can be triggered by Alex's death for sure.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Best of unattainable</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>SL: See, Kara asked me about the Lazarus Pit and taking Waverider back in time to save you. I would do it myself, to be honest. But all the pits are destroyed, while going to change the past is strictly forbidden.</p><p>Kara stood near the jumpship and listened. She wasn't feeling OK about eavesdropping, but how could she not? Besides, she kinda had done it twice already, why pretend?</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hi, pals)<br/>An update 4 days in a raw, huh? Better that I thought I would do. And it got way bigger than 1000 words. But it's cause I felt I needed a couple of interactions between Kara and Sara.</p><p>Before you read this chapter with Sara's confession, hear me out. I love Avalance, I really do. It's the pairing that is in a constant fight with Lextra in my little shipper heart. But I also found some place for Agent Canary in it. And it's actually the reason I started watching both Supergirl and Legends, so... Please, don't be mad at me.<br/>Also, I have to add, that in my timeline Sara wasn't abducted until a couple of months after the end of the conflict with Fates. So she has the time to visit Earth-Prime a couple of times.<br/>And, I feel Sara a bit more, but I still don't do this character work thing, so shout at me if I got her wrong.</p><p>Again, all mistakes are mine. I tried dictating this time, so tell me if there are any misprints I haven't checked. Enjoy the read)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Sara, is it really you? You're here, on Earth? In our time? It's amazing. You should come by; I could really use some company. And Alex will be so happy to see-” Sara heard younger Danvers stop abruptly. Quite probably Supergirl have just woken up not remembering that her older sibling was dead. Canary could hear hurt creeping back to reporter’s heart. Not that she was much of a reporter now.</p><p>“That is actually the reason I'm here, dear. I want to see her. Well, not exactly see, but yes... And although the jumpship has several layers of camouflage, there are crazy things going on here, and I don't want my transport to be destroyed or whatsoever. Can you help me watching this thing while I have a little talk with her?” captain Lance waited in silence until Kara could finally recollect her guts.</p><p>“Of course, Sara. It's out of question. Would you wait there for half an hour so? I don't fly yet” Danvers junior sounded ashamed of this simple fact, but Sara knew too good what grief can do to a person.</p><p>“Take your time Kara. I have all the time in the world” she knew she had to return till the end of the day, but she didn't mean to hurry a shattered person Kara was then. When the taxi finally arrived, Lance stood there in her usual jeans and leather jacket, all smiling. Sometimes Kara thought Sara and Alex had been too alike, just hair colour in difference. And, of course, Alex had never been an assassin, even a sassy one.</p><p>“Hi, so happy to see you” Kara greeted.</p><p>“Me too. How are you doing, little Danvers?”</p><p>“Going on, I think...”</p><p>“You don't have to pretend around me, Kara. I know grief” captain assured and put a hand on a taller blonde’s shoulder.</p><p>“Honestly, everything is in a pause. Reporting, superheroing, game nights, everything” Kara swallowed. “But as much as I'd like to talk to you, you should go see her first, you waited long enough. We'll have coffee later”.</p><p>“You're right” canary nodded and started her way. She stopped soon though. “Hey, and don't try to steal it. You know my team won't let you do anything” she smiled.</p><p>Kara ducked her head and responded “OK. If you say so”.</p><p>It took Sara some time to find Alex’s grave among all the alike. She greeted her unexpected acquaintance.</p><p>“Hey, Danvers. How are you doing? I know, being dead is no fun. Remember, been there, done that” Lance laughed in her trademark attempt to lighten the atmosphere.</p><p>“See, Kara asked me about the Lazarus Pit and taking Waverider back in time to save you. I would do it myself, to be honest. But all the pits are destroyed, while going to change the past is strictly forbidden”.</p><p>Kara stood near the jumpship and listened. She wasn't feeling OK about eavesdropping, but how could she not? Besides, she kinda had done it twice already, why pretend?</p><p>“Yes, Time Bureau doesn't exist anymore. And, if you’re asking, Ava’s OK now. She is co-captaining with me. Anyways, while Time Bureau doesn't exist anymore, my team is still roaming and protecting the timeline, so no shenanigans there”.</p><p>Danvers junior was getting angrier and more frustrated with each second. Why did Sara have to be so rectitudinous. Meanwhile captain continued.</p><p>“Not only that. We both know, I think Kara knows too, that you won't approve of it. But the agony Lazarus Pit brings is indescribable. And changing your destiny is wrong from each standpoint” she paused. “You know, your values were half the reason I liked you. Cause we share most of them. We do what's right, we protect, we sacrifice, we love, we risk, we die for those we consider our family. That’s right what you did there. I can't be any prouder I have- had friends like you. Although I'm not overly excited you joined my “Deceased Friends &amp; Family Club”.</p><p>A couple of minutes of complete science enthralled the graveyard. As if Sara wanted to say something but couldn't find her courage. Kara even thought, Lance left without saying goodbye, but she heard no footsteps coming.</p><p>“I have to confess something, Alex” captain finally started. “Remember you said we would find our love, there would be someone for us? I think I found mine. Yes, Aves is everything for me now. She's awesome, supporting, warm, adds some brains into my decision-making, protects me in her own way. She loves me and I love her. She is the best of all I can get. But you...”</p><p>Kara stopped fuming and stood all ears. Something unexpected was happening.</p><p>“When the last crisis enveloped itself, I saw you several times doing what you did best. You had changed since our last encounter, for the better may I add. And you awoke a spark in me I never knew existed. I felt not an attraction, but deeper feeling as if I had fallen for you all that time ago, buried that feeling deep inside (cause, you know, Mallus and later Ava happened) and let it grow on its own until it showed itself in all the glory. For years I considered you loyal, trustworthy, earnest, warm, genuine, kind-hearted and this cute person; for years I thought you were it for me. While Ava is the best of all I can get, you were always the best of unattainable” Sara rushed these words so much that she didn't notice the lack of air at first. But now she had to compensate and took several deep breaths before continuing.</p><p>Meanwhile, younger Danvers swallowed the lump in her throat and struggled with tears that threatened to flood down.</p><p>“Alex, I think I love you and there is nothing one could do to it. I don't know whether we could have worked or not. And there was too much separating us - Earths, time, responsibilities, relationships. I couldn't leave my team and you wouldn't have left your sister's side. But sometimes I come to think ‘what if’. What if I left Legends and came here to help you fight aliens? I would improve your fighting skills, although you were quite good yourself. You would educate me about aliens and stuff. It could have been fun...” Sara's gates broke, and tears streamed down her face even despite the smile.</p><p>“Whining aside, yes, I love you, Alex Danvers. I hope I'll have a cause and an opportunity to visit sometime in the past to work with you once more. By, Alex. Take care there”. </p><p>With this Sara dried her tears and left. She was right in time to see Kara sweeping her tears too. If Kara had heard everything... Well, captain had no reason to hide all this information. It didn't matter anymore.</p><p>“You heard-”</p><p>“Yes, I'm sorry-”</p><p>“No need to apologise and ramble, little Danvers” Sara hugged taller blonde instead. </p><p>“Does Ava know?”</p><p>“There's no need for her to know. I would never leave her, even for your sister”. </p><p>Kara nodded.</p><p>“I have a suggestion, Supergirl. Why don't you come with me? I'll show you Gideon’s magical fabricator and one Alex-related thing” Sarah proposed. </p><p>“Why not” Kara answered. “It's not like I'll be missing something important here”. </p><p>Canary smirked and led her young friend to the jumpship. </p><p>***</p><p>Once they reached the deserted ship (all legends went to see their friends and families in Star City) they had the best French toasts Kara had ever tasted. Then Sara led reporter to the medbay.</p><p>“Gideon, would you please connect Ms Danvers and I so I could show her one of my life experiences?”</p><p>“Of course, captain. You know what to do” AI answered.</p><p>“As much as I love Alex, I don't think I'm ready to witness that one-night stand of yours” Kara cringed. </p><p>“I'm glad your sense of humour comes back, Kara. But it's not what I intended to show you. Although, you give me ideas” they both laughed at that. “Lay down here. Don't worry, it won't hurt”.</p><p>They both took their places and fell into something resembling to sleep and movies altogether. </p><p>Kara saw her sister and Sara in medical coats flirting and joking around at some hospital. They both looked different: Alex's hair was longer, her features and whole demeanour softer and much more confident. Alien wanted to ask so many questions, but she couldn't. Deciding not to struggle anymore, she just watched clip after clip of how happy her sister and Sara were, clearly dating or even being married. When it all ended, she was crying all again.</p><p>“I know, you have questions” Sara interrupted, anticipating Kara’s trail off words. “I went to Earth-59 right before the Crisis. And don't ask me why. Thanx to image inducer and holding one of the nurses captive, I managed to infiltrate that hospital. I watched other me and Alex happily married and asked myself, why I couldn't have this. But now I look back and pray Oliver didn't really very stupidly and selfishly eliminate all other Earths and all the numerous destinies” Sara sniffed and continued talking despite the lump in her throat. “I hope they still live on Earth-59 happily ever after with their families and kids. At least there we are together” then she couldn't continue anymore.</p><p>Kara drew a deep breath and took Sara in a bone crushing hug. There they were, crying and hoping after hope that Alex was alive and loved all the same somewhere else.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>So, how is my depiction of Sara? Come to the comment section, let's communicate.<br/>Otherwise, have a nice day/night. Take care of yourselves, and see you soon.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Ruby loves you. Me too</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>SA: All this time Ruby wanted to return here so badly. For the first month or so in Metropolis we had fights and she said a lot of words she had to apologize for after. Don't worry, we grew as close as before pretty soon, and everything solved. But from time to time she brought this question up. She talked about you often and even asked Lena to update her on you. I don't know why she, and me either, didn't reach out to you personally. Maybe it hurt, or we felt sick for betraying you and being unappreciative, or both. But- that's so difficult... We cared for you all this time. Ruby- she loves you. Me too</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hi, pals)<br/>Here I am updating 5th day in the raw. But don't get used to it. I'm having a weekend with my friends, so 6th chapter and Lena's confession won't be written until Monday/Tuesday.<br/>I love Sam and I think that AgentReign (or Danvarias) was a real opportunity on the show. Alex was so good with Ruby and Sam, and have you seen their love-sick eyes in 3x21 and 3x23 (not mentioning some occasions before that)? So I ship them, not so strongly as Lextra, but I do. And I'd love to see their dynamics. So, I think I did this chapter better than previous ones. Tell me if I'm wrong.<br/>This work is still not being beta-ed, so all mistakes are mine. And I dictated this time too, so shout at me, if you find misprints.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Thank you for the evening, Sara. I feel slightly better” Kara broke the silence on their way back to Earth. As they entered the atmosphere, her phone started chiming uncontrollably. “Wha-? 70 missed calls? What the prickly hedgehog happened?” she sat with a shocked expression.</p><p>“Apparently, it has been five days on Earth already. Time here and in Temporal zone flows differently” Sara shrugged while answering.</p><p>“Good Lord. Sam called me, and even Lena. Wah. We haven't talked for ages. Here, there is 2 voicemails” Danvers junior put the first one on.</p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>“Hi, Kara. Don't mind Lena's calls. It was me. I just wasn't sure if you were busy or didn't want to answer my calls. I simply wanted to ask you to show me Alex’s grave. I've got bad spatial memory”.</p>
</blockquote>With that the voicemail ended. So, Kara turned another on.<blockquote>
  <p>“Hey, are you still unavailable? I am at the cemetery and I'm lost looking for Alex. Please, help me”.</p>
</blockquote>“Phew, that was just Sam. She was looking for Alex. What date was it? OK, it was today. It <strong>is</strong> today. God, she must be still there. Saaaaaaraaaaa!” Kara started panicking.<p>“Whoa, why panic, little Danvers?” Sarah chuckled.</p><p>“It's just-” Kara stood and started pacing. “Sam is Lena’s best friend. Well, she said I was her best friend, but they know each other for ages, there's history, and me and Lena are complicated now” reporter stopped rambling and took a deep breath. “And I don't know how to talk to her. She must be on Lena’s side, of course. That would be awkward”.</p><p>“Alright, Supergirl, slow down and sit here. Can you listen if there is anyone there?” captain suggested. Kara nodded furiously and listened.</p><p>“Finally, for God's sake. Hi, Alex. I've been wandering here for ages. I’ve found you now. I've found you” she let out a sigh of relief. Then she took a handful of something and put it near Alex's gravestone. "Here are the lollipops. Our favourite".</p><p>“Yep, she's there. Just arrived” blonde was clearly disappointed.</p><p>“Well, I can let you off at some other place” canary saw Kara shaking her head in negative. “Or return to the Waverider”.</p><p>“No, Sara, I need to talk to Alex as soon as possible. Can we- can we just stay here until Sam leaves?” Danvers looked up right into Sara’s eyes, pleading.</p><p>“OK, OK girl. Be as you wish” Lance didn't want to disturb poor girl anymore. She understood that maybe, just maybe, Kara wished to eavesdrop this conversation too. And who was she to judge? “We’ll stay right here”.</p><p>Silence held the jumpship captive ever since.</p><p>“Sorry it took me so long. Ruby and I- we aren't ever recovering easily. But this time is so much worse. Ruby’s devastated. We hadn't let people in for so long before you and Kara. And to lose you like that... I think it's the biggest heartbreak Ruby had so far. Even major to the whole Reign crisis. And you saw how bad she was then” at the memory of Reign Sam felt cold shivers running down his spine.</p><p>“She's pretty uncontrollable now. I can't make her eat, can't make her sleep, can't make her study. We had an agreement at her school, that she'd take her assignments home and send her works by email. Very convenient. But she refuses to do anything on time, her grades drop gradually. I don't know what to do with her. If not for Lena, she wouldn't do even a thing, so thanks to Lee. Although, I know you'd bring her to stop reeling. You always had your own way with her. I can't solve this puzzle ever since we left” she took a pause and decided to fuck her expensive clothes to just sit down on the ground cozily.</p><p>“All this time Ruby wanted to return here so badly. For the first month or so in Metropolis we had fights and she said a lot of words she had to apologize for after. Don't worry, we grew as close as before pretty soon, and everything solved. But from time to time she brought this question up. She talked about you often and even asked Lena to update her on you. I don't know why she, and me either, didn't reach out to you personally. Maybe it hurt, or we felt sick for betraying you and being unappreciative, or both. But- that's so difficult... We cared for you all this time. Ruby- she loves you. Me too” Sam sighed and lost all the composure she previously had.</p><p>“I saw the way you looked at me. And tasting your gorgeous lips was all I wanted to do. Aside from cuddling with you, so you could soothe my insecurities. My heart ached every time I refused giving us this because of Worldkillers. And I regret so much for not manifesting my feelings for you” breathing got harder and harder for CFO, and she decided to take a minute to calm down the storm inside her.</p><p>Kara could take a moment too. After previous confessions and an eventful evening on the Waverider she couldn't cry anymore. But the stabbing pain got harder and more unbearable with every Samantha’s word. Sara watched the other blonde carefully and with compassion, she wanted to hug the pain away from the younger Danvers. But she decided against it - she wouldn't ruin this intimate and tender moment.</p><p>“I'm sorry I had to leave. We had to. I couldn't stay at the place with this many memories about the damage Reign had caused. I know now it had been her, not me doing this. But then I thought it was all me. I feared it was me, and the simple probability that she could have returned. Just think, I considered leaving Ruby with Lena and you and going there alone. I was so lost...” Sam got lost in her thoughts and didn't recover for some time.</p><p>“For all the reasons I had I couldn't stay. And I knew you wouldn't have gone with me because of Kara. And you were assigned as the director of DEO which made me immensely proud. That's the reason I didn't tell you how I felt. You would have felt torn, you would have tried to convince me to do long distance. But let's face the truth: long distance doesn't work for such a tactile person as you. Don't argue with me on that. It wouldn't have worked, it would have broken our hearts even more than after what I've done. Although I know you would have helped me heal as no one else, I just felt something wrong could have happened come it that way. I'm sorry for deciding for the both of us. But after what you had gone through with Maggie, I couldn't make you feel guilty. You didn't deserve that”.</p><p>Kara was shattering and getting angry all over again.</p><p>“I'm sorry I haven't returned either. But when I started healing, I got the news you and Kelly became a thing, and you considered adopting. So, I thought you didn't need us both. To tell you the truth, I felt slightly betrayed then. How could you move on so quickly? Then you broke up with her, and I felt so relieved. I told Lena, and we started preparing our move back here in secrecy. I couldn't contain the anticipation and happiness for we could have seen you soon. But then you got reckless enough to die here in the dark of night, without DEO or Kara at your side. Guess how we feel now? Just wonderful!” she choked in regret of her recent words.</p><p>“Sorry I was such a coward, Alex. You deserved better. Much better. We love you, though. I love you so much that it hurts. And I don't know if Ruby and I are going to love someone just as much as you, even half of that. You made your way into our hearts so gracefully. You were so shy but bold, cautious but open, reserved but caring, hard but sentimental, threatening but soft-spoken, adventuresome but homie, and so so beautiful. How could one resist you? So, I loved you, and I love you still. I hope you can forgive me my mistakes. I'd give everything to take all this back and have you here, in my arms” she took a glance at her watch. “Sweet God, I'm late for our appointment with Ruby and shrink. I'll come here later, maybe with Ruby. By the way, she dyed her hair auburn red for you. You’ll like that” she stood up. “Anyway, I should go. Don't get bored there. I think you have all the nice company wherever you are”.</p><p>With that she called the taxi that soon arrived and got her back to the city center. Kara couldn't recover at least for several minutes. When Sara reached for her shoulder though, Kara drew back which made captain stare at her in shock.</p><p>“I appreciate what you did for me last night, but don't you dare touch me now. You, cowards, were unfit to hold a candle for Alex” she started laughing hysterically. “You all confess how you love her now when she was so lonely then. She had no one but me truly there. So you don't get to say you're sorry. You don't get to wallow in your grief. She's dead now because not a single soul cared! Cowards...” she flew the door of jumpship open and marched to where Alex laid, leaving shocked Sara on her captain seat.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Come on, anyone, talk to me. Yes, I am <strong>that</strong> desperate. Comment on things you like or don't. Argue with me on various topics. I'm not that scary, ladies and gentlemen.<br/>Otherwise, have a nice day/night. Take care of yourselves, and see you soon.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. You’re my biggest confusion</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p><strong>LL</strong>: It was in that moment that I felt myself falling so deep and so hard, that I couldn’t brace myself. You, so nervous and in that sweet red sweater... I understood what people meant then, because I had never had that intense feeling inside my chest before you. While I still wanted to flirt and get closer to Kara, you I desired. Not that kind of desire, not then. I wanted to get to know you, to envelope your mind and your soul, to solve you. I knew right away that Kara’s sister had to be special. Little did I know then.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hi, pals)<br/>Here is Chapter 6 as I promised. Chapters get bigger and bigger, this one is about 2k words, and I can't say I regret it.</p><p><strong>To Supercorp fans</strong>: I don't ship Supercorp, but I respect this relationship and all of you. Although, everyone here loves <em>Alex Danvers</em> in the first place, so don't be angry with me, it's just the purpose of this fic. Besides, you are getting Supercorp endgame eventually, just be patient.<br/>I don't know when in the timeline season 5 took place, but taking amount of time passed after it's end in consideration, I think 2020 would be a right year for such piece of crap in all of their lives. So I just assume Lena must be 28 at that time. Correct me if I'm wrong.</p><p>Enjoy the chapter and prepare for the ride of pain with one and only Lena Luthor.<br/><em>All mistakes are as always mine. Shout at me if I'm being so bad.</em></p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Kara was looking through her photos with Alex for what seemed a 1,000th time. Her heart bled like a stuck pig, and had anyone asked her anything, she wouldn’t have been able to speak. It was one of those days when she wouldn’t even leave her flat. Well, Alex’s flat. The one the elder sister gave up for Kara long time ago was occupied by Lucy who had to move out of hers due to some emergency repairs. Besides, there was no other place younger Danvers would like to be. It was the inanimate incarnation of Alex, it still smelled like her, and everything was on their places as the ex-director had left them a month ago. Kara thanked Andrea Rojas for extending her leave at the cost of all the vacations she never took in previous years. She still needed time alone and far away from other people who seemed to make it a mission to make her feel even worse. All those confessions she had heard in recent weeks were taking their toll on her. </p><p>Danvers junior was tracing Alex’s face with her thumb on one of the photos when she heard a very-well-known heartbeat miss a couple of breaths and then fasten. Yes, all disagreements with Lena aside, Kara still tracked her heartbeat, because she didn’t want to make the same mistake twice. She couldn't imagine losing Lena too. So, reporter decided to filter all the noise around her in seek of certain CEO’s voice turning her “Supergirl mode” on. </p><p>“It was a terrible idea coming here like that. I don’t- quite know what to do or what to say” Lena paused and fidgeted with her coat with an unoccupied hand. “Oh, I brought you lilies. I don’t know which flowers are your favourite, Alex, so I decided with these”. </p><p><em>“Is Lena suddenly up to dating again? And it’s so weird it’s another Alex there. Ew”</em> Kara thought to herself. She didn’t like both the idea and being partially present there, so she was about to zone out, when she heard the following. </p><p>“You know, Alex Danvers, you’re my biggest confusion in all my 28 years. I know it’s not that many, but I’ve seen and experienced enough. Nothing like you, though” </p><p>Kara sat stunned. Why would Alex confuse Lena? Had those been some trust issues? </p><p>“When I met Kara, there were sparkles everywhere. We just matched somehow and bonded immediately. She’s fascinating, sunny, so genuine... In a couple of months, I started thinking that maybe our universe took pity upon me and gave me someone to be there for me, love me and cherish me; and I would love her in return. I really thought I was into Kara. And there is a chance that I am. Who wouldn’t be? I can hear you agreeing” Lena's voice flashed with a smile for the first time in months. “But it’s not the point now. Then Kara introduced me to you, and I remembered this fierce agent who tried to save me at the renaming ceremony. Not that successfully, if I had to shoot the man myself, am I right?” Lena got brighter and brighter, although pain was still visible in her tone. </p><p>“It was in that moment that I felt myself falling so deep and so hard, that I couldn’t brace myself. You, so nervous and in that sweet red sweater... I understood what people meant then, because I had never had that intense feeling inside my chest before you” young Luthor sighed as if in awe. “While I still wanted to flirt and get closer to Kara, you I <em>desired</em>. Not that kind of desire, not then. I wanted to get to know you, to envelope your mind and your soul, to solve you. I knew right away that Kara’s sister had to be special. Little did I know then. But what I already knew was that you Danvers sisters would be the death of me one day. How fucking accurate” Lena shook her head in disbelief. Was that conversation really happening? </p><p>“I saw then that no one trusted me. I was new in the city while the whole corporation was famous for its acts of atrocity. I knew you must’ve been among those, who wouldn’t like them, especially their little sister, to be anywhere near me. So, it literally became my mission to prove the world otherwise. While Kara gave me her trust from the word go, yours I had to earn. I loved all the faith Kara had in me, it was so reassuring, but it was always <em><span class="u">your</span></em> appreciation and <em><span class="u">your</span></em> faith that I sought for”. </p><p>Danvers jun. couldn’t believe she was hearing that. Why hadn’t Lena told her about this interest for Alex? Reporter was sure she would’ve beaten a path to her sister’s heart for her best friend.  </p><p>“I was torn by both you and Kara in so many ways. At first, I didn’t know who to pursue, you are so freaking different. While Kara embodied everything that I had been dreaming about being a little girl with this “knight-in-shiny-armor" attitude, you were much less pretentious yet mesmerizing. Kara seemed like fairytale, while you were so real. Kara would assure me everything would be alright, while you, I was sure, would convince me to fight together against all the challenges that were to come. Kara would turn the blind eye on the imperfections of my deeds and do anything for me, while you would judge me, dissuade me, though ride-or-die at the end of the day. It was a tough choice, but I chose you and you only” Lena knew – after she had started this conversation, she had to continue. Otherwise, why come and begin in the first place? </p><p>Younger Danvers couldn’t listen to love of her life (yes, William was nice, but nothing like what she felt for Luthor) confessing her love for the former’s sister. But she couldn’t resist. What do they call it? Trainwreck Syndrome? </p><p>“The irony of it all, Alex, is that while I chose you, I couldn’t make a move to show you that I was in the picture, that I may have been a choice. At first it was Maggie and the breakup, so I decided to give you time to heal. Then Reign happened, and I saw you getting closer to the Arias family. You wanted kids, and Sam had one, and you were so good with Ruby. Sam herself has always been a gorgeous woman, so I just watched hers and your heart-eyes, not wanting to interrupt your happiness if it was that. Seeing you with my old friend was painful, and I was torn again, but I could survive by distracting myself with James. Luthors... We are meant for bad decisions” Lena nodded as if wanting to reassure herself.  </p><p>“I saw my chance when she left though, and we seemed to get closer. I think I loved you at that point already, but I was late with my confession all over again. It was my real chance, but I stumbled again. My insecurities took the best of me. Why would you have loved me? For what? I was too public, too problematic, never had time, in constant danger, cold and paranoid. A Luthor of course too. And while I had an inner battle, Kelly came into picture and stole you from under my nose. What is it with Olsens trying to make my life a living Hell? As if everything else hadn’t been enough!” if she wasn’t crying then, she was in a minute. </p><p>Did I say Kara couldn’t cry anymore in previous chapter? We all know it was to be changed soon. </p><p>“It hadn’t been, obviously, because Kara decided to come out as Supergirl to me. I was furious and so <em><strong>so</strong></em> heartbroken. Not only she lied to me when I begged her not to, not only she betrayed me, she also ruined our (what was it then?) friendship! Oh, I wished you weren’t her sister so badly. Why did she have to be your beloved sibling? Why did she have to become Supergirl in the first place? Why did she make you lie for her? She besmudged our relationship just with the snap of her finger!” Lena felt rage growing in her but didn’t want to stop that. So, she spat her next words, wishing Kara could hear them. “She doesn’t get to call herself Supergirl! She is a <strong>Superfool</strong>! <strong>Superbitch</strong>! <strong>Superscum</strong>!” </p><p>Yes, you are right to assume that Kara was swimming in her tears at that point. Maybe she was the Girl of Steel in the outside, but she still had an emotional stamina of a puppy. </p><p>“I’m sorry, I shouldn't have said that. She is your sister after all. And, to tell you the truth, I’m not angry with her anymore. It was just an outburst I get when I’m reminded of the events of last months. I still like her after all these years. I haven’t forgot how I felt for her in the beginning, this feeling never really left me”. </p><p>Lena took a shaky breath and continued. “I don’t think I can pursue her though. Yes, I know she loves me, and she is ready to take me back. But you aren’t the only dead here, Alex, I am too. My hopes for the future are buried in the same coffin as you are. You, being this selfless, loyal, persistent, caring, funny, shy and warm-hearted person, managed to kill me using one weapon that I couldn’t confront – myself” Luthor started shaking uncontrollably, tears streaming her beautiful face. “I think you were it for me, and I can’t fight the fear that there is no one else for me to love and be loved like that. I love you so much, Alex, so fucking much! Why did you have to leave me too?” there were no words left in Lena. She could talk no more. </p><p>Eleven minutes of painful silence passed through. Eleven minutes of Kara and Lena imploding simultaneously over and over again across the city. Eleven minutes of thinking about “what if-s" and their grave mistakes. </p><p>After clearing her throat and brushing her tears away, younger Luthor decided to wrap up. “Alex, I’m sorry. Who knows what could’ve happened if I were braver? But now I want to honor you and your work and also engrave my love to you. I am going to ask Lucy’s help with buying your patents and all your research. I want to establish a new branch of L’Corp Research Center which I’ll name after you. Its main objective will be research of alien races, their technology and culture to help them adapt on Earth while having the history of their lands treasured and neatly archived. I want to continue your legacy as the fierce protector of aliens and people on Earth and be the ambassador of your dream to unite both humans and aliens in peaceful live on our beautiful planet” Lena shove her pride aside and stood on her knees. “Doctor Alexandra Danvers, I officially beg for your blessing to do all the previously mentioned business from your name” CEO stood there in silence as if waiting for a sign from her love. </p><p>Kara couldn’t take it anymore and flew out of her window. First time in a month felt weird, but she sped up as much as she could. Of course, Lena saw an unmistakable dot in the sky and just thought <em>“Well, that’s the sign enough”</em>. </p><p>“Thank you, Alex” she mumbled. There was nothing she wanted more than to kiss older Danvers with all she had. But all she could do was stare at <em>(1989-2020)</em> under <em>Alex Danvers</em> with pain and longing in her eyes. </p><p><strong>“I love you”</strong> Lena said in conclusion and left the graveyard. Kara spent an hour trying to dry her tears in flight.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I hope you enjoyed the chapter. Tell me if it was good or bad, I'm all ears.<br/>Otherwise, have a nice day/night. Take care of yourselves, and see you soon.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. We’ll meet in Rao’s light</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>AI-Z: Primarily I wanted to have Kara back in my life. That was the reason I started working on my pod. But the reason I was <span class="u">hastening</span> so much was <strong>you</strong>. The longer it took me to return, the more I thought about you, Alexandra. You of all beings had managed to kill me. I was so impressed. I had acknowledged your bravery before, but this - it proved my statement in full measure. You were so brave, and it marveled me, intrigued me, magnetized me...</p><p>KD: <em>Not again, please, not again, not Astra. Great</em>.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hi, pals!<br/>I'm sorry I've been absent for so long. I've been not in the best emotional state recently. I tried everything, but managed to write the chapter I was content about only today. But I hope it's worth it, and I can make up for the wait with it's volume. It's much bigger than the previous ones (more than 2700 words). So come and get it.<br/>I felt pressured to write on my favourite ship, but I've managed it, thank God. But next chapter is Danvers-sisters-centric, so it'll take me a while to figure out the best way to write it. I also apperceived that I need an epilogue here, so now it's a 9-chapter fic, not 8-chapter as planned. I've already written the plotline for it, so you won't have to wait for it long time after Kara's chapter.</p><p><em>Unbeta-ed. All mistakes are still mine. Unless there's a volunteer among you? And I was dictating again, so there may be some misprints present.</em><br/>Still, enjoy your read.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Astra flew faster than sound, faster than light. She couldn’t sit round under Kara’s protectiveness anymore. 2 weeks had been enough. If anything, it had to be Astra protecting her niece, not vice versa. Ever since General had managed to land her pod in Central City, Kara took her in and never let her leave without following her aunt’s tale. But Astra had enough. She had spent 5 years in space trying to return to Earth, to the only remaining family to take Alex’s offer and lead the life of peace. And she wouldn’t sit still any extra time.<br/>
<br/>
Now Astra couldn’t believe that the offer didn’t stand anymore. That she could just live her life with no one interfering, with Kara’s love and no struggle. That Alex was gone. She had to check it. There was no way such a brave human and a fierce soldier would die so soon. Alex may have killed her, but also given her a life. 11 years on Earth, 25 in Phantom Zone – these weren’t a life. But now she had one only thanks to one and only Alex Danvers.<br/>
<br/>
For this reason, she flew out of the window in Alex’s apartment with niece at her toes. She knew that Supergirl was flying faster now, but Astra had been a general for a reason. Astra was faster, stronger, smarter. So, after an hour of chase Kara lost her aunt’s track somewhere in Amazonian forests.<br/>
<br/>
There was a soft blow of wind near Alex’s grave shortly after. Astra stood solemnly and couldn't believe her eyes: there really was a gravestone with her Brave One's name on it. Shock and disappointment took over her body, and once a mighty general dropped on the ground.<br/>
<br/>
“Oh, my sweet Alexandra. You indeed are here. There's no way...” no one had ever seen Astra cry, not even when she had been arrested, not when Krypton had exploded, not when she had been injected with Kryptonite. But now two shy tears escaped her eyelids. “I couldn't believe you were dead. I hoped it was all lies, a violent phantasma, a <em>cruel dream</em> that you are now diseased. But it's true. I am too late” Astra hung her head down on her chest angry and deceived by herself. “But I'm happy your death was at least honorable, like the one you gave me. I wouldn't expect anything less from you”.<br/>
<br/>
Astra had mixed feelings about being healed by Sun first, and then Rao. She had had an honorable death - that's a pro. She had returned to see diseased Alex and beyond broken Kara - that's a huge con. She could be that one person to drag her niece out of depression - debatable. But she had been given this, she couldn't reverse it, so she decided to take the best out of it.<br/>
<br/>
“Kara thought I would be angry with you once I was here” Astra laughed. “I think she refused to tell me about your unfortunate faith not only due to her own grief, but she also feared that I might disestablish your final resting place as a sort of revenge. But it wouldn't have happened, I always held an enormous respect for you, even before you- Before I knew about all the things you had done for Kara and, well, even me” Astra stood again in her power stance. “But what I am is grateful. Not only for the honorable death I keep mentioning, but for making Kara Kara. She reminds me of Alura immensely. But she is who she is only because of you. If not for you, she would have become an outcast, she would have remained broken, she wouldn’t have roughed the loss of Krypton, at least this relatively, and she wouldn't have taken so much after her mother if not for the environment you had created for her. I can't be grateful enough for you being such a great and supporting sister to Kara. The one kind Alura and I couldn’t become to each other” Astra sighed and sank into memories of her beloved sister.<br/>
<br/>
While Astra thought she had been smart enough to get Kara off her scent, she underestimated her niece. Maybe Zor-El couldn't hear her heartbeat on Earth, but she could investigate general's motives. She was a reporter after all. So now she stood not far behind her leaning on a tree. <em>“She could have just asked me to go show her Alex's grave and not eavesdrop. Why this masquerade?”</em> General had popped Kara boring with questions on where Alex had been, how she had died, if they could have resurrected her etc, etc. It was so logical Astra would be here.<br/>
<br/>
“Kara is so prostrated with grief now” Astra emerged from her thoughts. “She barely sleeps: watches me every second of the day as if I would disappear again and listens to her friends’ heartbeats intently. She barely eats as well, can you imagine that? She was always insatiable, even on Krypton. I can guess to what extend her appetite grew here, on Earth. But she refuses to eat, telling me that she takes energy from the sunlight. We both know it's not enough” Astra shakes her head in disapproval. “She looks very fatigate. She needs you now more than ever, Alexandra. Only you have this inconceivable ability to make her, as your people say, get her butt in gear”.<br/>
<br/>
Younger Danvers listened to that and felt so guilty. Of course, Astra was distressed for her. And Alex wouldn't have been ecstatic about her behavior too. At that moment she promised herself and Alex she would try. She would.<br/>
<br/>
“By the way,” general continued “don't you mind us living in your accommodation? I assumed Kara has been living there since the tragic events. Her own apartment is currently occupied by director Lane. But if I understood Kara right, she’ll move back when director Lane leaves, and I’ll have your apartment for my use. Don't worry, your quarters will be in their best fashion, I promise” Astra held her hand close to her heart. “Besides, your accommodation reminds me of you greatly. Of course, I can be wrong, I didn't know you well. But I can see it's one for soldier, but by choice, not by vocation. It's simple, functionable but still cozy. Right what I expected of you” general smiled as she imagined Alex in her loft, making pancakes and enjoying her morning coffee. But she shook those thoughts off – seeing them was terebrating.<br/>
<br/>
“Although, everything concerning you fractures me in some way. Sometimes literally” she smiled. “You changed me into a whole new person, made me feel what I'd never felt before, and I don't even know if it all is real”.<br/>
<br/>
Kara stood right where she previously had been and couldn't believe her hearing. <em>“This can't be it again, can it?”</em><br/>
<br/>
“You know, Brave One, after Rao had healed me, I was so desperate to get back to Earth. I saw the empty space that Krypton and Daxam once had been, and... The emptiness and loss I had always felt after these unfortunate events returned with more force. Pain refused to leave my body, and I wanted nothing more but embrace someone warm and understanding” Astra shuddered at the memory. “And then I remembered that Kara was on Earth and tried to reprogram my pod to take me back on green solid ground. I wanted to get the only remaining family back” those two tears that had escaped Astra’s eyes when she had come to the cemetery turned into an unstoppable flow in a finger snap.<br/>
<br/>
“Primarily I wanted to have Kara back in my life. That was the reason I started working on my pod. But the reason I was <span class="u">hastening</span> so much was <strong>you</strong>. The longer it took me to return, the more I thought about you, Alexandra. You of all beings had managed to kill me. I was so impressed. I had acknowledged your bravery before, but this - it proved my statement in full measure. You were so brave, and it marveled me, intrigued me, magnetized me...” Astra’s features instantly softened. “I started dreaming about how I would take your offer and we would seek for ways to save Earth through peaceful means. I imagined how you’d teach me Earth ways and traditions. I fantasized about our time together in front of that speaking box or having some kind of beverage outside. I hankered after the memories of how good it felt to touch you and to be touched by you” general dried her tears with an unmistakable jumpsuit. “Now I don’t know if it's real or I just put myself into loving you. But I'd give everything to explore it”.<br/>
<br/>
Kara couldn’t trust her ears <em>“Not again, please, not again, not Astra”</em>. Now she had one more love confession to listen to. <em>“Great”</em>. Of course, she could just leave her aunt alone, but she was not abandoning her aunt’s side in this darkness hour.<br/>
<br/>
“No, it can't be just my imagination. As I already said, I was taken aback by you, you surprised me every time we encountered. And then Non send Black Mercy and Kara,” Astra made a wry mouth “and I learned that you were sisters. I apperceived then why she fought me. Yes, not all the humanity is as worthy and honorable as you. But I would fight for the few like you myself, that is for sure” Astra was nodding furiously. “Kara can play her act as long as she wishes, but she always fought just for <strong>you</strong>. She would choose you between anything. She became Supergirl in the first place for you. To be as good as you, so you would be proud of her” general didn't realize she was pacing so she stopped in her tracks. “Maybe that is the reason Supergirl haven't been saving people for 8 months. All the newspapers and TV exploit the idea of Kara leaving the city unattended. They think she had lost the love of her life. But what do they know...” Astra scoffed.<br/>
<br/>
In the meantime, Kara’s world was crashing around her again. She not only had failed her sister, but also the city. She relied on Dreamer while it was her who had to keep Central City safe. She slowly slid down the tree and sat there paralyzed.<br/>
<br/>
“I was the general of Kryptonian army, and there were only two occasions of me being envious” her aunt continued. “I envied my sister who was highly esteemed, much more than me, for whom the Codex found a partner and produced the child later. The second time is now. I envy Kara as she was lucky to have you as her sister, to be the receiving party of your love and to love you back” Astra was suffocating but still talked her truth. “Almost 17 years she could love and cherish you. I didn't have this privilege, but I would want it so much...” General In-Ze was hyperventilating and had to take a couple of minutes to get back to her senses.<br/>
<br/>
“You know what proves my “love from the first sight” as you humans call it? I inserted you into my Myriad plan. Yes, it wasn't supposed to change anything more in people's minds than their approach to environment. But I was going in for modulation of your consciousness so that you would stay near me and Kara with no fighting. Not just for Kara, but for me too. I didn't care about Non anymore and I would’ve just sent him away” Astra smiled to the thought. “11 years on Earth, and nothing could touch me, not mentioning spark my interest. But you did, Alexandra. I don't know what it tells you about me, nothing good probably. But I wanted you the whole time in one way or another”.<br/>
<br/>
Danvers junior sobbed. Or coughed, it was hard to distinguish. Astra was fast to turn back and see her niece in indescribable state. She sighed, of course Kara had found her and heard every single word. “I'm sorry, Kara. I didn't mean to drop a bomb on you like that. That's why I escaped. Unsuccessfully, as I may see” general apologized.<br/>
<br/>
“That's fine” Kara slowly stood up and wiped his tears on her sleeve. “Go on” she motioned, and Astra turned back to Alex’s grave.<br/>
<br/>
“Well, ehm-” Astra was uncomfortable to know Kara was listening. “You changed my plans for Myriad first, but then it was you who nearly convinced me to abandon it. You offered me to work beside you and being close to you was what I craved. It was possible you wouldn't have reciprocated my “innamoramento”, but just seeing you every day as my ally would have been enough” Astra imagined Alex’s hazel eyes, looking deep into them, holding agent’s hand. How awesome would that be. “I was up to putting my fate in your hands. If not that Martian... Although, it seems I did hand you my faith, didn't I?” Astra heard her niece approaching and standing beside her.<br/>
<br/>
“Yes, I fell in love with this brave soldier and my enemy in that warehouse. You haven't said a word, haven't done anything but you've already managed to leave a personal stamp on me and influence my choices. And now I'm not the same woman anymore. I can relate to myself five years ago, but I can't empathize with her. I can't feel her, not before you” Astra was full-force shaking and crying again, so Kara held her close as hard as she could. General hid her face in her niece’s shoulder and let her grief for Alex consume her.<br/>
<br/>
When she was better, she looked up at her niece’s face and saw only understanding and compassion there, no judgment, no anger. Kara raised her aunt and said: “There is nothing to be ashamed of, aunt Astra. Please, let's call it a day and come back home. Today was so exhausting”.<br/>
<br/>
Astra nodded. “Just let me finish, OK?” she saw Kara agreeing and finished her speech. “I can manage my long life on Earth all by myself. I don't need a companion as much as Kara does. But I was ready to make an exception for you. I <span class="u">wanted</span> to make an exception for you. And I will carry the memory of you and feelings for you through my whole life. I hope we'll meet in Rao’s light one day. Would you, <em><strong>please</strong></em>, wait for me there?” Astra had a last look at Alex’s gravestone, closed her eyes, took Kara's hand, and they both launched into the skies.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>***</p>
</div><p>When they landed on the balcony of Alex’s apartment and entered it, Astra once more saw the pictures of Danvers sisters on the walls.<br/>
<br/>
“Kara, I didn’t get to ask Alex about you growing up. But pray tell me what she had been like then” general begged.<br/>
<br/>
So Kara told her. Everything she remembered. How Alex hadn't been that nice in the beginning, how they'd grown closer, how Alex had taken protecting her, how hard Eliza had been on her biological daughter. Kara told Astra about Alex’s tough college years, how she had known everything that had been happening but couldn’t have mustered up her courage to confront her sister. Everything that history of Danvers family had archived was told.<br/>
<br/>
With every new story Kara was getting sunnier at the memory of her sister, but also sadder at the notion that Alex had been gone now. So, at one moment she couldn’t talk anymore and sought for comfort in Astra’s arms.<br/>
<br/>
“What am I going to do without her? It was Alex who made me feel at home on Earth” Kara mumbled through tears.<br/>
<br/>
“You have me” general shadowed what had once been said by Alex. “And your friends. Just let us help. And you have memory of her. She still lives in your heart, you know” Astra took her niece’s hand and put it on latter heart. “Carry it till the end so that Rao can unite you two in his light”.<br/>
<br/>
“We will be together there, as a family. You deserve it as well. I love you so much, aunt Astra. It’s a pity she didn’t have a chance to feel what it means to be loved by you. It has always been wonderful” Kara embraced Astra even harder.<br/>
<br/>
“Me too, Kara. Me too..”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Lextra is my favourite ship and I hope I did a good job with it. But I'm still anxious, so please comment and help me feel better about this chapter if it's worth it. It doesn't seem as pained as Sam's or Lena's to me. But I don't know if it's fear talking or my inner editor *shrugging*.<br/>Come talk to me about anything "Supergirly", truly. I feel a little bit lonely, so that's why I ask you for it every damn chapter.<br/>Anyways, have a nice day/night. Take care of yourselves, and see you soon.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. I'll try to keep up</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hey, pals)<br/>I'm really sorry it took me so long. I hit a tiny emotional burnout, because of <em>"The stress! It's rising!"</em>. But yesterday I just sat and did it, no matter what, trying to carry out my old saying "Work itself is enough inspiration". So, here I am with the last personal chapter focusing on Danvers sisters dynamics. What I also did yesterday was re-writing the canvas for the epilogue, and I hope to write and publish it today as well.<br/>I love Danvers sisters dynamic - it's truly the heart of the show. As I'm happy for the show to reach it's ending, I really wish Danvers sisters lived on and on, and on, and on. #LesbianLives!!</p><p>This work is still not being beta-ed, so all mistakes are mine. And I dictated this time too, so shout at me, if you find misprints.<br/>Still, enjoy your read.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was a cold early spring day, despite usual California climate. Only yesterday it had been all sunny for Alex’s one year of death anniversary. It had been nearly as crowded as the year before as many DEO agents, families of equally deceased comrades and all the friends (except Maggie and Kelly) had come. It had also been the first gathering for Astra. So, when Kara went to the graveyard next day, she was unpleasantly surprised by stormy weather. </p><p>“Seems like the weather came back to mourning you. Hello, sis. Yeah, I'm back that quickly, it's just... There were so many people here yesterday, have you seen it? I didn't expect it. To be honest, I thought it was a one-time thing at your funeral. But what I've learned during this year is that you are and were loved much more than it seemed. Well, you're worth it all, and even more” Kara took a plaid out of her backpack and sat on it, continuing. </p><p>“I can't believe it's a year already. I was so used to having you constantly by my side and fighting with me on the field... I think I'm still not used to having you around. But I do feel off. It had always been you who made me feel at home on Earth, and now... I don't feel that anymore. I tried to find new confidants, but there is no one like you on this planet. They keep saying <em>‘Alex would think that’, ‘Alex wouldn't approve of that’, ‘What do you think Alex would do?’</em>, but I want to have someone who isn't afraid of speaking their mind to me. And- well- it's still hard to hear people mentioning you and even seeing your- our pictures” Kara unconsciously put her hand on the backpack pocket where she always carried a couple of their photos. The blonde sighed. </p><p>“I've seen this scene role-reversal when I tried to rescue my relationship with Lena. But it's true - I'm so lost without you. Everything good I did - it came from you being my sister. My heart remained intact only due to your kindness and help” Zor-El laughs. “You're gonna laugh at me but I have mental conversations with you when I make decisions. I try to keep my judgment unclouded. It's the only thing that stopped me from taking your body to the past to resurrect you and make John Constantine bring your soul back. But, yeah, you wouldn't want that. Sara was right. I should’ve saved you early on, before all of this could’ve happened. But I didn't, and I'm sorry. I just- I would rush more if only the possibility of you dying existed for me” Kara buried her face in her heads and shook her head furiously. </p><p>“I had saved you so many times, I thought I'd be in time this time too. I’ve done so much to save you over all those years, but it wasn't enough. It would have never been enough with you, would it?” Of course, Alex would’ve continued living in constant danger, there's no denying to that. But still, Kara's guilt, Kara's self-deprecation told her different. “You must know I hadn't flown for nearly half a year. And I still don't do my Supergirl stuff. Nia, Brainy and the DEO- yes, they rebuilt the city base and J’ohn is back as the Director for now- they manage. Astra helps sometimes when she's not too busy with her plans on political career. I know she's told you that. So, there's no real need in me. With Lex finally dead of a heart attack there weren't any global crisis. And, well, I’ had become Supergirl to save you. If I couldn't do that eventually, maybe I'm not that ‘Super’ anymore”. Everyone kept telling Kara she was still very much capable of saving people and being the beacon of hope, but stubbornness- you know it's at Danvers family trait. </p><p>“I've lost so much in my life. Why did I have to lose you too? I know, I know, you humans aren't supposed to live as long as Kryptonians under the yellow sun, and you would’ve died eventually. But rather later than sooner, Alex! There were so many adventures awaiting for us” that blonde took a pause to brace herself. “Who will be my partner in crime? Who will help my undoubtedly problematic ass out of trouble? Who will dampen my enthusiasm when I don't notice danger? Who? I need you in so many aspects of my life, sister. I need you so much. I need you, do you hear me?” the younger Danvers let tears invade her eyes for the first time in a couple of months. She wasn't shy of them anymore. </p><p>“I have to confess something, Alex. A couple of weeks ago I forgot the password to your laptop, and I kept wondering - what if I start forgetting you soon? Some little things in the beginning, and then your smile, and your voice, and the way your hugs felt. I don't want that! Yeah, Astra helps a bit with this sweet and funny sanctuary to you she made me help her do. It's something like a miniature copy of my mother's AI, but it's not AI per say, just all the information about you, all our memories and stuff; and the crystal is the center of a literal sanctuary” Kara shook her head and she amusement. She remembered one time when she came to Alex's apartment and found Astra there at the sanctuary praying to Rao to reunite their souls in his light. </p><p>“I hope you don't mind she's living at your apartment. It's still intact, I swear. Well, apart from the things she borrowed for the sanctuary. She clearly loves you, and while it's still confusing to me, I don't mind. I tried to push her towards dating, but she's being this devoted stupid Kryptonian” the blonde’s face lit with a small smile. “I don't date as well, for obvious reasons. And I- uhm... I still love Lena. But we haven't talked since… since your death. We hadn't been on good terms before it even if we tried to make amends to each other. And then we were too devastated. And later... I heard her confession. Now I don't know what to do. Things were so much easier with you here. Or, at least, they were easier to”. Kara dived into her memories of long sister nights when they helped each other to cope with this cruel and so meandrous life. There had been nothing more therapeutic than eating tons of junk food, watching sitcoms, and cuddling with her favorite person in the whole world. No one and nothing could outmatch that. </p><p>“I've been asking myself one question in that matter recently. Will I ever find love when even you hadn't? I mean, yes, you weren't perfect. but if even you in your near-perfectness didn't find someone who would’ve been daring enough to take all your greatness without running away like a coward”, Kara coughed while remembering some of the confessions she eavesdropped on, “even if you were alone, what is the chance for me to find a soulmate? Maybe, if I just try to keep up...” the younger Danvers laughed at the reference. “You remember that, don't you? Us trying to keep up one to another at the beginning. It was equally a hard and terrifying time, but also fun. I remember, what competition had done to you, but still those first months, nearly a year, were fu- You didn't have to keep up to me. It was me who always looked up on you. You are my hero, and you always have been. I should’ve told you this more often” Kara welcomed some silence in. She loved talking to her sister, but it was still exhausting. </p><p>‘Little Danvers’ interrupted this silence without even knowing it. “You know what's my biggest reason of sadness? It's a pity... I can’t believe I won't get to be an aunt to your kids. I bet they would be just as curious, rebellious, genius, kind, loyal and brave as you were. Maybe, as reckless too” she smiled at the thought of miniature copies of Alex running around doing some mischievous business. “Yes, they would have been amazing and all like you. Except for the drinking problem, hopefully. And without your stupid resistance to my trademark pout” Kara remembered something and turned to her backpack. There she found a letter she received previous morning but didn't get to unpacking it. “I've seen a word ‘kids’ there totally accidentally, X-ray vision be damned. I thought it may be an application from one of the adoption services that came by mistake and... But you know what, let's find out what it is”. </p><p>Kinda opened the envelope, but the letter seemed to be something unexpected to Kara. It said:  </p><p>
  <em>‘Dear Kara,<br/>
If you are reading it, I must be dead and don't have any kids still. I'm sorry for both unfortunate facts but I hope you're well now. A year of morning is enough, don't you think, sweetie?<br/>
I remember you gushing over wanting to become an aunt. Correction: a fun aunt. I also remember your grumbling at the fact of how our human life is short compared to the Kryptonian. So, I have an offer to you.<br/>
There are some of my ovums frozen at the clinic just in case you'd like to raise a copy of me. Not <strong>‘the copy’</strong> of me. I don't want you to mother me, ew. But, you know, my ovums, donor’s sperm, your body... I know it's a lot to ask. But I do not ask. Don't feel obligated to do it. It's an offer if sometime in the future you feel too lonely and want some piece of me back.<br/>
I know all about your insecurities, Kar, but I assure you you'll be a great mother. I raised you well, after all ;) You have a big kind heart, and you’re a protector. Everything else will come, believe me.<br/>
And if you aren't with Lena already, get off your stupid ass and confess your feelings for her, for God's sake.<br/>
Anyways, I wish you a long and bright future. Stay frosty and keep being yourself no matter what. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I love you endlessly. </em><br/>
Your sister,<br/>
Alex Danvers. 
</p><p><em>P.S.: Don't let anyone call me Alexandra while I'm out there. I swear, I'll come back from dead to take the person who does it with me to the other side.’</em> </p><p> </p><p>Kara’s face was swollen with tears. First, she couldn't believe Alex knew her that well. Second, the opportunity- it was overwhelming. She had to think about it. No, she didn't need to though. Kara knew she’d do it right away, with no doubts. No amount of time would make her miss Alex less, and this promised kid was the saving grace for her. She just had to learn if the Kryptonian body was receptive to human reproductive cells. Well, that was the reason enough to reach to Lena. Luthor had all the Alex’s research already, and the blonde hoped her best friend would help her with this case. Kara had seen only ends this whole year, but now she saw an opportunity for a new beginning, a chance for the future, and she had to take it. </p><p>Supergirl wiped her tears, stood up, and folded the letter and the plaid into her backpack and looked at Alex’s gravestone. “Thank you, Alex, I won't disappoint you this time” she said and hurried away to discuss getting pregnant with Lena.  No, not getting pregnant with Lena. Getting pregnant with Alex’s child. Rao, these thoughts...</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>After the pause I'm so freaking self-conscious about the quality of this chapter. Please reach out and tell me if it's good or meh. I'm open for the constructive feedback.<br/>I still feel a bit lonely, so don't be shy to contact me in the comments section, on <a href="https://twitter.com/ay_malaia">Twitter</a> or on <a href="https://aymalaia.tumblr.com%22">Tumblr</a>.<br/>Anyways, have a nice day/night. Take care of yourselves, and see you soon.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. To Alex!</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>X PAM</p><p>or<br/>the epilogue.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hi, pals)<br/>Welcome to the last chapter of this fic. Thank you all for having this journey with me. I'm happy to be of service to you, and I hope this fic gave you plenty of reading pleasure. </p><p>This chapter is a kind of summary of what had happened to our main characters during 10 years after Alex's death. The timeline takes Alex's death as a starting point, so the years are marked as <strong>PAM</strong> <em>(post Alexandra mortum)</em>. I'll give you the timeline of important events in the beginning of the chapter. You can skip it if it's not of importance to you, or you can come back to it if you get confused while reading - it's purely your choice. </p><p>Enjoy the last moments with this fic and don't forget to reach out afterwards)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>
    <em>
      <strong>
        <span class="u">X PAM timeline</span>
      </strong>
    </em>
  </p>
  <p><strong>1 PAM</strong> - The letter.<br/>
<strong>1,5 PAM</strong> - Kara started having game nights.<br/>
<strong>2 PAM</strong> - Kyler Alexander Danvers was born. Ava and Sara got married. Kara and Lena started dating.<br/>
<strong>3,5 PAM</strong> - Lena and Kara moved in together. Sam and Lucy got married.<br/>
<strong>4 PAM</strong> - Alyson Laurel Sharpe and Emerson Parker Sharpe were born.<br/>
<strong>5 PAM</strong> - Hunter Arias was adopted.<br/>
<strong>5,5 PAM</strong> - Lena and Kara got married.<br/>
<strong>6 PAM</strong> - Olivia Nova Luthor was born.<br/>
<strong>8 ¾ PAM</strong> - Kyler learned about his biological mother.</p>
</div>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>+=+=+=+=+=+=+</p>
</div><p><strong>X PAM</strong>. 10 annos post Alexandra mortem. 10 years after the death of Alexandra. One of the kind Alex Danvers. The whole lot of events happened to our favourite characters. But the one doesn’t change – Alex Danvers is and will be loved for a long time. The evidence of this is the loud presence of 23 people near the redhead’s grave. Mostly women and 6 men (half of whom are only boys) came back here to honor the memory of their family member, friend or beloved one. You may know some of the names: Eliza, Astra, J’ohn, M’gann, Nia, Brainy, Winn, Vasquez, Sara, Ava, Lucy, Ruby, Sam, Lena and Kara. You may also remember Ayla and Mary. And there are some new names: Taylor, Hunter, Alyson, Emerson, Olivia, and Kyler. All of them are smiling, laughing, and having the time of their life, as these annual gatherings transformed from mourning to celebrating chosen family and its unseen member who is also the main character of our story here. But let me disclose you the fates of our main characters separately before you see this joyful picture.</p><p><span class="u">Maggie &amp; Kelly</span> </p><p>Let’s start with those who we aren’t seeing today. There’s no real wonder why these women chose to move on instead of staying with the mismatching family the Danvers sisters created. The only link to the folks was their love to Alex which ended in a ton of pain both times. So, we won’t blame them for leaving Central City behind, shall we? </p><p>Kara knows from James that Kelly got happily married with a landscape designer who doesn’t risk her or anyone else’s life on day to day basis. Which she rightfully deserved. </p><p>It’s not known much about Maggie, though. There were rumors about her reuniting with famous Kate Kane, but there were also ones that told that the brunette dies at the hands of a yet another Gotham’s mass killer.</p><p><span class="u">Sara + Ava</span> </p><p>While Sara’s abduction was a serious challenge on both their ways, the blondes happily reunited 5 months later to finally re-assemble a new team and leave roaming the timeline for good. They settled in Washington under names of Sara and Ava Sharpes not to cause any controversies with Sara’s previous birth <em>(and death)</em> certificates. They got married to solidify their unity <em><strong>2 PAM</strong></em>. Since then Sara part-time teaches self-defense, and Ava continues her career at the certain other Bureau, and they somehow manage to raise two very unlike siblings <em>Alyson Laurel Sharpe</em> and <em>Emerson Parker Sharpe</em> who they gave birth to nearly jointly <em><strong>4 PAM</strong></em>.</p><p><span class="u">Sam + Lucy</span> </p><p>Kara started having game nights <em>(that later became babysit nights) <strong>1,5 PAM</strong></em>. That is exactly where Sam and Lucy met. And you know how it goes: sparks, interest, insecurities, revelations, confessions, secrets, passion, finding their standing, U-haul, marriage, kids. Yes, the same old classics happened to them too. After Ruby totally approved Lucy as the candidate to be her stepmother, two women almost instantly moved in together and later got married <em><strong>3,5 PAM</strong></em>. They adopted 5 y.o. boy <em>Hunter Arias <strong>5 PAM</strong></em>. They too manage dealing with their demanding positions as the L Corp CFO and the DEO <em>(Desert Base)</em> Director and family rather gracefully.  </p><p>Ruby applied and was accepted to both MIT and Harvard, but eventually chose Stanford University to be closer to home. She excelled in astrophysics (with which Kara and Astra helped sometimes) and took a position as an assistant to a resident professor and researcher after graduation. She lives with her partner Taylor, who uses pronouns she/they.</p><p><span class="u">Lena + Kara</span> </p><p>It was a long journey for them. Trying to get Kara pregnant with Alex’s child was what brought them to speaking terms. 4 months of trying, 2 unsuccessful attempts, 7 months of pregnancy and troubled delivery made them reassess their grudges and start dating <em><strong>2 PAM</strong></em>. Kara adopts the newborn <em>Kyler Alexander Danvers</em> right on, and Lena joins her <em><strong>5,5 PAM</strong></em> right after marrying Supermom. Of course, they moved in a cozy house <em><strong>3,5 PAM</strong></em> with enough space to welcome <em>Olivia Nova Luthor <strong>6 PAM</strong></em>. They live happily ever after but not for long.  </p><p><em><strong>8 ¾ PAM</strong></em> Kyler asked Kara and Lena a simple question “Why is my last name Danvers, when Mama and Mom are Luthor?” And they told him the truth. Small boy, a true miniature copy of Alex- his reaction was so predictable. One day after school he didn’t return home. After getting a disturbed call from her wife, Kara found her son at Astra’s just to hear that her boy wanted to live with Astra for a while. He felt betrayed and hurt, which everyone could get, so the big family made an agreement. Soon, everything went to the new normal: Kyler constantly drifted from Kara and Lena to Astra and back, made long daily calls to the other party, went to Alex’s grave with both Kara and Astra, got the access to Astra’s sanctuary <em>(don’t ask me why it still exists, it’s Astra’s fault, not mine)</em>, started calling Astra his ieiu <em>(probably taking Astra’s never-ending love to Alex as the sign of women’s soul-bond)</em> and accepted his position as a lucky boy surrounded by so many people who wanted to raise him as their own and give him the best future possible. </p><p>But all this experience and partial loss of Kyler didn’t go unnoticed and uncried about for the couple. It led Kara and Lena to deciding to have their second child who the blonde is currently carrying. They already know the sex and chose the name <em>Connor Alsander Luthor</em>.</p><p><span class="u">Astra</span> </p><p>Astra remained devoted to her ultimate goals by all means and in all aspects of her life. She took a political career which started from being a simple activist to establishing a new green (environmental-centric) party, to becoming a mayor of Central City and the governor of Central District of Columbia <em><strong>9,5 PAM</strong></em>. Her next goal is running for Congress, and she doesn’t plan to stop on that. The scale of her environmental work got the attention of the world media, and her image quickly transformed from Kryptonian eco-terrorist to the ambassador of <em><strong>‘Aliens for Earth prosperity’</strong></em> movement. And, of course, it was a right road to atone her sins to be worthy enough to join her Brave One in Rao’s light. </p><p>Which leads us to Astra’s second aim which was to reunite with her family. Yes, she couldn’t bring her fantasies about her time with Alex in life. But she could still love her. And take Alex’s last name, because why not? And keep Director’s legacy intact. Apart from helping Lena at <em><strong>‘Alex Danvers Alien Research &amp; Culture Preservation Center’</strong></em> and enlarging the infamous sanctuary <em>(Gods forbid me from mentioning it ever again)</em>, she became the third power-figure to Kyler from the first moment she held his little fragile frame in her arms. Since her Precious One came to her one day to tell her he knew the truth about his ‘real’ mother they became even closer, now having more of a mother and a son than a great aunt and a great cousin dynamic (???) <em>(that’s too confusing for me)</em>. Although it shook Astra’s and Kara’s relationship a bit, it all became a new norm, and everything went into place again. Now she has a person to love and teach world’s wisdom in the face of Kyler, her only remaining link to Krypton and former life there in face of Kara, and a bunch of unexpected friends in faces of J’ohn, M’gann, Eliza, Vasquez and Lucy. What is more to desire?</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>+=+=+=+=+=+=+</p>
</div><p>So now, the J’ones, Schott, Sharpe, Arias, Luthor and Danvers families along with Vasquez, Brainy and Nia are sprinkled all around the graveyard like crumbs. Children chasing each other and shouting, adults chatting in groups with full glasses in their hands. Finally, Kara decides to give her annual speech which will start the day of cheerful merrymaking.  </p><p>“Can I have a bit of attention, please?” Everyone comes closer to Alex’s gravestone and listens intently. “Thank you to everyone who came here today. I’m immensely happy to acknowledge that we became this big and close-knit family who are always there for each other any minute of the day. Last 10 years were tough, but also exciting and quite fruitful” the blonde looked around 5 kid additions to their family and smiled. “We took the best chances and got everything we could only dream about. That’s what Alex would want for us. I bet she is smiling with her trademark warm and assuring smile to us up from the Rao’s light. So, let’s have these drinks to family. And to Alex. To Alex!” Kara pronounced. </p><p>“To Alex!” echoed from everywhere.  </p><p>The younger Danvers took an empty glass and a bottle of Alex’s favourite scotch out of her old backpack, poured a glass, and put it at her sister’s gravestone. <strong>“I love you, Alex”</strong> she whispered at the end, and with that she motioned for everybody to get into the cars to head to their annual party. She will come back for the glass and a talk with her beloved sister tomorrow.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I hope you liked the fates I've chosen for the ladies. Scream at me if I did a wrong choice, or give five if you agree with this course of story.<br/>I still feel a bit lonely, so don't be shy to contact me in the comments section, on <a href="https://twitter.com/ay_malaia">Twitter</a> or on <a href="https://aymalaia.tumblr.com%22">Tumblr</a>.<br/>Anyways, have a nice day/night. Take care of yourselves, and see you at my next fanfiction stories.</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you again for being with me this whole time. I hope to see you soon at some other and, I hope, more happy place.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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